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Wednesday February 26, 2014
Yesterday was my 15th year wedding anniversary. And I can say without a doubt, it has been the happiest 15 years of my life. Not every single day. Not every single hour of the days that it is. But overall- yup- hands down.
I’m married to my best friend. He’s tall, I’m short. He’s an introvert, I’m an extrovert. He’s a geeky engineer- I’m a touchy/feely go to the emotions girl. We are opposites- but not completely so. Because when it comes to ideology, philosophy on life and the role of family- we are about 99.9% in sync. It’s not a cliché’ that we finish each other’s sentences. And we very often read each other’s minds. And like everyone else I know- we sometimes don’t communicate well with each other.
We got congratulated by family and friends. Well, that was my fault. I put a picture that my husband drew on his Ipad mini of a vase of roses. He sent them to me late last evening. Yesterday was a long day for me and to be honest, I had forgotten it was our anniversary until he said something to me
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GASP- go ahead- Gasp again! MARY FORGOT HER ANNIVERSARY?
Yes, indeed, I did. And did my husband mind? Not one bit. Ben doesn’t naturally remember these kinds of things and so to avoid “getting in trouble”, I’m pretty sure it’s in his calendar on auto repeat. He does this for me. But it isn’t something that he needs to have “celebrated”. And over the years, I have adopted his position on many events as the same.
I wasn’t troubled when I realized I forgot. Because when it comes down to it, I like knowing we have been married 15 years. The one day it happened on, doesn’t embody that significance for me. I don’t feel a need to celebrate the one day-I am happy to be married to him 365 days (even the ones I don’t like him or he doesn’t like me). The longer I’m in this marriage, the more the notion of singling out that one day seems odd to me. And I’m not saying it has to be this way for everyone, but that’s what works for us.
During our first Christmas together I gave him a list and he shopped. He was absolutely miserable. And although he did it, he asked why he was supposed to fight the crowds, to buy things he would wrap and give to me, when I already knew about them. He had a point. The next year I agreed to try it his way and not have gifts with the stipulation that if I didn’t like it, we could change back. I found I was really okay with the plan and we have maintained that strategy ever since. It began to seem artificial to force a kind of celebration to give gifts that didn’t make sense. On the other hand, we got completely stupid on the other end of the spectrum when it came to our kids and Santa.
So, there you have it. Holidays have taken on a different meaning for me the further I go through life. They now are a reminder of something, but the day itself isn’t the cue to celebrate. I’d rather be excited about my marriage on 365 days then on one.
But I do have to say… I did love his drawing!