Yesterday I had a session with someone I’ve known for quite some time. I’ve watched her grow considerably from a few years ago. I originally met her shortly after the dissolution of her first marriage. She was young; the marriage had been brief.
She began working on her career, knowing all the while she also hoped to remarry at some point and have a family. Her career has taken her to places near and far. Yet, despite her attractiveness both physically and psychologically, she hasn’t met another suitable mate. She understandably finds this disconcerting. It’s not that she hasn’t put effort into it, because she has. Although she has met people potential suitors along the way, none, seems to be suitable. And in case you’re wondering, she is not being too picky.
I sat with her, wishing I could wave a magic wand and produce a perfect candidate, or at very least look into a crystal ball and tell her when it will happen. Unfortunately, my wand is broken and my crystal ball is cloudy. I also cannot resort to some text book prescription that will instruct her on exactly what to do to insure her desires will be fulfilled.
Sometimes there is luck and fate to contend with.
What I did do is ask her “If I could tell you without a doubt that, it’s not going to happen, what would you change in your life?” I wasn’t attempting to be prophetic or pessimistic. I was relieved by her answer, which was simply “Nothing”. And I appreciated that she was certain about it.
I was relieved because it said to me that she wasn’t missing any of her life by waiting until it was “Right” in order to live it well. She was instead, getting up every day and moving towards the things that she could control. She had settled on living in a place that made her happy. She had recently changed jobs to find work she felt more authentically aligned with. While she would like a mate to join her world, she is no longer looking for one who will build it for her. She is a smart girl in addition to being beautiful and charming.
Sunday I finally got around to seeing the movie Martian by Andy Weir. I mentioned the book in a recent blog. As I was leaving the theater, my friend mentioned to me that Weir had originally self -published the book as blog entries. Intrigued I looked up more information to better understand the story.
Weir, a computer programmer always had an interest in writing, but took a job in programming to earn a living. After reaching some financial independence he took time off to try his hand at writing. According to an article in the Washington Post “His first efforts weren’t very good, as he freely admits. He couldn’t get an agent, much less a publisher. He decided that his childhood ambition of being a professional writer was unrealistic, and he went back to computer programming.”
But he kept writing. He loved writing and it made him happy. Eventually, he self-published it on Amazon and it was later picked up by Crown Publishing. The rest was, as they say, “History”.
Many people give up on their dreams when they aren’t validated by the outside world quickly enough. Weir obviously did not. My client is continuing to do what makes her happy without any evidence that a book deal is in the works. And others may wait for the life to feel “right” until after their dreams are sufficiently met by their own standards. The ideal circumstance is to push towards living the life you want, while experiencing the one you actually have. It is possible to dream of more and live in what it is currently.
Are there any paths you are waiting to take because someone or the world has not given you a clear map? Are you living the life you enjoy even if nothing else changes?