The Safe Appeal of Disorder


 

 

 

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Let me state clearly at the start that this blog has zero to do with a political opinion. It is merely a political event that introduced me to a thought.

In the recent news stories about the conflict in Gaza, I heard a quote that really grabbed me. It comes from former prime minister of Israel Golda Meier.

Peace will come when the Arabs will love their children more than they hate us. I thought it was such a powerful quote. And it got me thinking about other areas in life that it might be useful. Of course my mind naturally wondered to my work and the conflicts I see for people I work with. So I changed it to this:

Until you love yourself more than you fear imperfection, disorder will remain.

You can quote me on that.

A person with an eating disorder will abuse themselves to any length in order to achieve a body that they believe will gain them acceptance or legitimacy. The result is reliance on a chaotic system of eating and exercise that not only precludes any other area of their life, but often results in malnutrition, injury, and even self-abuse.

A person who lacks confidence in their ability at work will ignore their personal boundaries and work themselves to oblivion at the expense of their personal life or personal self in fear of having that inadequacy exposed.

A person who ignores themselves to help others in order to win status is forced to function at the mercy of everyone else’s beck and call. It is easy to get caught up in chaos and frenzy only to realize that one has little to show for all of their efforts. They may find themselves in middle life feeling empty of anything to measure their life by, especially if the people they have served have outgrown the need for them.

A person may remain in an unhappy or even harmful relationship with another because they do not feel deserving of happiness or peace. As a result such a person may deny their needs on any level in order to tolerate remaining in the relationship because they fear they are unjustified in the eyes of others to ask for more.

So what does it mean to love oneself? And how does that eliminate disorder?

Loving oneself means to make decisions based on self care as a priority over decisions that lead to approval or acceptance from others if the actions required for either are in mutual conflict. So, if I have to decide to eat because I’m hungry, or not eat because I feel too fat and unacceptable to others, self love means to eat- but eat well and appropriately for the highest level of self care- drowning one’s self in a container of ice cream is not self care.

It means if I have to choose between going to bed when I’m exhausted or reading email from my boss because I’m trying to get promoted, it means go to bed. Sleep well and then be prepared to work to the best of my ability tomorrow.

I’m confident that I’m not sharing any new earth shattering news with anyone here. We all know these things. But we get afraid. And then we get busy. Out of our fear we fill our lives with a million things that we think, or at least hope will make us happy and fit in. And then those things fill our time and our psyche to such extremes that we are too saturated to even think about what is good for us, much less find the time to implement those strategies. But as Meier so eloquently brought to light- we always have a choice

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. And until we value one thing more than another, change will not occur.

 

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3 thoughts on “The Safe Appeal of Disorder

  1. Is always better to focus on the love rather than the hate: the positive rather than the negative. Just wish there were a magic way to make it easier to do that! Very good post! A nice way to start off the week for sure! I will share it and hope we all focus on the positives this week!

  2. Thanks for sharing Mary. As you know, I am a big fan of balance in a person’s life. I deal in the world of money and I have to remind people that money is just a tool. It’s equally as bad to save too much as it is to spend too much. When a person is a work-a-holic, a fitness a-holic, a shop-a-holic, a fill in the blank-a-holic, other areas of their life will suffer. If you work countless hours then your health and relationships will suffer. You will be on the go all the time likely eating fast food regularly. There will be no time for your spouse and kids. Your body won’t get the exercise it needs. It’s a big problem in our society. So big so that we don’t need to worry about other countries invading us; we are doing it to ourselves.

    1. comment is dead on as usual Brad! As Sarah noted above- it is hard— especially in a world that pulls us in a million directions! I post reminders like this for myself as much as for anyone else 😉

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